Hello, I am theo:)

Thursday, August 31, 2006 { 7:22 AM }

today's teachers' day celebration! what a high day. early in the morning it rained, and thank god i was still at home. so i decided to wear slippers to school and then change into shoes when i reach school. my slippers were like ticklish and it'll fall out when i'm walking. how funny. when reached school, everyone were like walking to the grand auditorium already, but i decided i should go back to class and wear my shoes. and i did thus. after that, we walked to grand audi and sat down to watch the performance. they gave out awards like ms caring, mr unique and stuff and when mrs p and mr tang got some of the awards, we were like cherring. we even stood up! so funny. later for the teachers' item, mr tang sang a song. some oldie i think. so funny..some of the people were mocking at him. but i thought it was ok. there was another dance item..and it was like..so funny too. afte4r the teachers' day celebration, me, bi and simin went KFC. celeste went to her primary school and met up with us later. i ate the chicken chop. omg..so nice! hahaas. i like cheese fries too(: then bi had to go home, so we all left. i read some passage about time. about how we should treasure time..and this is how it goes:
每次放学回家，我在庭院里看到太阳一寸一寸地落下去，就知道这一天快要过去了。虽然明天太阳还会升起来，但是今天永远不会再来。我看到小鸟向自己的巢飞去，飞得好快呀。明天，他们可能沿这同样的路线飞过，可是时间已经不是今天，小鸟也不是今天的小鸟，他们一定也变了。

after reading this, i've came up with a decision, i want to be like the author. 我要跟时间赛跑！the timne i have left is not long enough for me to see the world, so i have to use every single second of my life wisely(:

Wednesday, August 30, 2006 { 7:14 AM }

today we had ss test. that was like hell crazy. i think we copied our way through. actually i didnt really copied. i only worte the attracting foreign talents points on my table. the rest was up to me and my imagination. my chinese paper got a mark extra! yay~ i was so happy to see this. and maoqiang was like so depressed, going around telling people he didnt get any extra marks. and guess what? the person in front of me turned around afte4r hearing what maoqiang said and showed us his paper. it's like what the hell, he's from china lehs..of course he ought to do much bette4r than all of us. in fact, this marks are too low for him. he should like get 40 or above. shoow off..and i was like shouting,"show off! show off!" was rather put off by his sucky attitude. argh. nevermind about that. after school there's np, so we walked around in school finding for a bunck and soon settled down at one ly. then we changed and falled in at about 1450. i think. we were late. so had to pump lor. ok..the worse thing is coming next, when we did the baton drills, my muscle cramp. oh my goodness..it's like the chest, not really the chest lar..it's nearer the neck part..it cramp until i couldnt take it, so i falled out. then they had this commanding thingy..and they took turns to command the squad. then we had a like 7mins break, which is quite good. i was like..so bored, and i just didnt feel like doing anything. next was MOI. after johnathan finished his, i went up and did it. and i was totally screwed. i'm so scared and my hand gestures and stuffs..dont know how to say. i went up there to teach sedia and it's like..so lame. hahaas..but i dont care. after this zeng yuan and estelle went up to do MOI too, then we had drills..and the drills was fun. we did the tokahalowan thingy and i was like blur blur de..because i didnt go for the last time of trainings..so funny. we were all laughing there because they were joking. hahaas. after this, the rain got heavier, and we went back into the bunk to change back into our school u or whatever and we were allowed to go home. it rained. all the way out, i wasnt under any umbrella. the feeling was great. xueli was like feeling very guilty. hahas..no worries. i'm ok with it(: and i where got smile to myself. hahaas..later people think i crazy. hahaas..i wanna walk in the rain again. the feeling..it's just so shiok.

Monday, August 28, 2006 { 4:41 AM }

i feel like crying right now. can i cry? i wanted so much to do so..but i just cant. those words she said kept ringing in my head, "consider not going for that piano exam because i'm afriad you cant make it, and you may affect my other students. discuss it with your mother." those are the words that are so hurting..i did practise. i really did. i spent my time trying hard to find that i did not improve. is it what trying hard is all about? i cant control everything..i'm breaking down. why? why did all these happen??? WHY? i want to ask why did all these have to happen? right now, right here, i'm crying..those words. can i choose not to hear it? anyways..i wasnt the one who wanted to take this exam in the first place. it ws you who signed me up without telling me. you were the one whon started out late..and causing me not to be able to finish practising. dont worry. those words..it aint goning to hurt me anymore. i'm just going to cry over it..and it'll be over. it will. after tonight, when dawn breaks, i'll work hard to prove this wrong. this is the spirit of theodora(: i hate you! i really hate you!!! i'll practise harder than ever..i must pass at least. i'll not let my mom's money go into the drain. money is not for me to waste. 10 more days, to fight for my only chance of survival. I"M GOING TO PROVE YOU WRONG. I CAN DO IT. THEODORA WILL PASS IT AND IT"LL BE YOUR STUDENTS WHO"LL AFFECT HER AND NOT HER WHO"LL AFFECT YOUR STUDENTS.

Friday, August 25, 2006 { 5:45 AM }

today was like a horrible day for me. i keep forgetting things..and lose thing. it wasnt that bad in the morning, but it became worse during np. i took xueli's blouse and put inside my bag and told her that i dont know where i put it. then when i went out to find for it, she told me she found it in my bag. then i forgot where i put my fullscape and i went around in search of it. after like five mins or so, i finally found it underneath my table. argh. it was so unlucky. then a lot of things happened and i was quite moody. not the angry one, but the sad one. it just happened that i'm sad. this is still the ok part. i pricked my finger while wearing my skirt. because my buckle dropped and it lost, and i didnt know where to get another one, or rather, i'm lazy, so i used a pin. okaye..but i'll have to admit, the pricking of fingers came first, then followed by the rest of the blur things. i almost cried when i pricked my finger. i saw the blood and i tremble. i couldnt help it..i put down my head in case i cry. i'm just scared. so..so..scared. and the wound was painful. i went to the toilet to wash it and it really hurts. does that mean i'm still alive? i'm bleeding. i'm bleeding, but i feel like i'm dead. all spirit drained out of me..i guess this made me do all those stupid things right? because i became blank. just blank all of a sudden. it's so scary. so so scary. today had physics test and it was okaye. i feel so fake today. so fake. it's like i wanted so much to shout that i'm very sad and i really feel like crying, but i smiled when they joked. arhhhh!!! what can i do? show everyone that i'm breaking down? nope. this is all an act. an act to make others feel that i'm strong. there's this wall the separates me from the outside world. the wall that will protect me from all the dangers..nope..that wall doesnt save me any pain..it doesnt. it only made that pain stronger..that pain is killing me. i'm pretending to not see what i saw, to not know what i knew..it's all mere pretendence. ALL.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006 { 7:37 AM }

it's been like four days since i last updated my blog. recently there have been a lot of tests going on. it's like there's almost one test everyday. even the only free day they had was filled in by o level music. and i seriously think i'll flunk my o level music because i dont understand a single thing! hahaas..but nevermind. i'm seriouly hopeless. sometimes looking at some people really bring back some of your darkest memories. the memories you want to hide inside the darkest corner of your heart so that it'll never surface again. i'm hiding all along. i dont know how to face it and i keep turning away. is it a way of protecting myself, or am i being a coward? i dont know..but it sure scared me when i turned around and saw..i dont want to think about it.
today i was walking in the canteen with si min they all trying to decide what to eat when i saw a pedestrian A. hahaas..just know that pedestrian is pedestrian. forget it. i too dont understand what i'm trying to say..but yea. seriously, it doesnt bring about any pain. unlike my friend, who went all sad about it. heheex..i find life a bit monotonus. should i say..something like rk? hahaas.."i should cease living like a cow. prehaps a cow with justice might feel humiliated with such comparison." arhhh...!!! i need some life in me. inject me with hope and laughter so that i look forward to each day..i dont look forward to each day now..i dread it. save me from that well.

Saturday, August 19, 2006 { 6:57 AM }

at this point of time, theodora is feeling rather happy and thankful. okaye..grateful too. today is an extremely packed and eventful day, although somethings are not as expected, but overall, it's a nice day(: we had singing competition today. at first i was informed it's on sunday, but suddenly, it all changed to saturday, so me, zhenglin and jiang ping were all busy the whole night, trying to choose our clothes and contact those supporters at the same time. that was horrible. then we finally managed to contact about 9 supporters, so they turned up in school at about 7.25. i was suppose to meet jiang ping at about 7.05, but i was late): couldnt wake up that early..then she helped me with my make up and stuffs in the cca block the toilet. then we walked to the concourse to meet the rest. some of them thought that transport will be provided, but nope. we had to walk there, so we set off at about 7.40 after practicing for a few times. then we were late, so we were left with the first group. we had no choice but to choose it. then the first part was solo..after that was duet. the dhs the audi was so cold..i felt like a piece of meat in a refrigerator. so funny, cuz i keep saying this. hahaas..ten it was break. we kept on practicing..and i didnt eat the oreo they gave..cuz later the mouth black black de..very ugly mahz..so..yar. we practiced in the audi. after about 10 mins, it's our turn to perform. the whole audi was like so high..hahaas..so happy. but i was like shivering..thank god it's all over. then they carried on witht he rest of the groups. after another 10 mins break,they had the dhs specail dance..it's so cool! then there's a musical chairs game..the winner do punishment. hahaas..and it's to dance to "my humps" woa..the gril is so pro and on! we were all like "wow!" afte4r her dance, they announced the solo winner, who is frm vs and the 1st runner up, who is frm cchy. then they went on to duet. the first is frm macpherson and the 1st runner up is frm cchy. then it came to the grp le. they announced the 1st runner up first, who is cedar girls, then they announced the champ. they said," chung cheng high main school" we were all elated and excited. at first we were thinking..if we cant get the 1st runner up, we'll not be able to win anything at all becuz the cedar girls were good..so we were damn happy. but guess what? we didnt receive any medals or trophy. instead, we only got a big packet of food. ha. what a funny thing. but nevermind. we shall keep it in the NCO office. hahaas..i wanna thank a lot of people! i wanna thank the supporters, especially CELESTE and ESTELLE. who were super supportive lar. and not forget those juniors who took the time to go and watch our performance(: and also BI RAN and SI MIN, YU QING.

Monday, August 14, 2006 { 6:23 AM }

i sometimes just cant control myself. my emotions just run all over. sometimes i just feel so sorry for myself. i feel bad. and i do willow in self pity. i pity myself. i hate it when everything is my fault. and it seems so. ok..from now onwards, everything is my fault ok? nobody is at fault except for me. seriously, i have a super low EQ, so forgive me if i'm constantly angry..i'm sorry.

Sunday, August 13, 2006 { 4:24 AM }

sometimes i wished that i could suffer a memory loss. i want to forget the past..because i feel that the past is restricting my every movement, holding my back, preventing me from moving into the future. even though those happy memories will be lost in the process, i'm still willing to try. i was suppose to go to bi ran's house to do e geog project, but because i've got tuition, i've got to stay at home): but..look. my tuition teacher didnt come. haiz..and i dont know what happen now. what to do and what to tell my mom. she'll sure ask about why i didnt have tuition again. haiz..my life is so sad..i wanna shout it out loud that i hate my life. my life suxs! haiz. gimme a break. i need kit kat(:

Friday, August 11, 2006 { 5:50 AM }

i'm very sad now. recently somethings happened..and it made me terribly sad. i cant stand the pain. why did it all happened. was it my fault that all these happened? maybe it is. but your words really made me sad. i was there all along, but you didnt see me. what can i do? i'm sorry..but i really do treasure friendships. why do people always has to choose? i want both, because both meant a lot to me..you both were there when i needed friends..when i was deseprate for hope..it's not that i follow the trend, but they are my good friends..i dont want to lose them. your words are repeating itself in my head. they turned into thousands of needles piercing into my heart..maybe we may not be friends afterall, but the fond memories will always remain in my heart, because no memories are worth forgetting. i'm sorry..maybe i didnt know the pain, but now..i understand.
today was a fun day..although it was rather bad in the morning..where there's the a mths test and the giving back of the chinese results. and i passed it..by a bit. yay~ok..we went to meet up at the concourse for something about np..about obs..then i wanted to go..but then..in only 4 people can go..so in the end i became a reserve(: then me and celeste and si min and jack and yuqing. i must thank them..i finally learnt how to cycle because to them. the first time i cycled was on 110806. thank you guys..for helping me overcome my fears..and teach me how to cycle(: then we returned to the starting point late..so me yu qing and si min didnt need to run..we sat there. at first christina asked us to find a teacher to report, or find ziyang, then we went to ms chan that counter, but she didnt help us report. we then managed to find ziyang, so her brought us to ms lam. and she reprimanded us and told us to find mr soon, saying that mr soon will punish us. but then..mr soon didnt punish us. instead, he asked us to find mr chua to report, but mr chua only asked us to sit there and wait for the rest of our class to return. and so we sat there. people started to return, and we went back to our class. we sat down for some prize presentation ceremony, and it was long. after which, i went home with celeste. we walked all the way to the 16 bus-stop from the place we were dismissed. so tiring..
SPECIAL TAHNKS TO THESE PEOPLE WHO TAUGHT ME HOW TO CYCLE: CHUA SI MIN, YU QING, JACKALYN AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, CELESTE. THANK YOU FOR HAVING SO MUCH PATIENCE AND FAITH IN ME(:

Tuesday, August 08, 2006 { 8:10 AM }

when life has something for you to look forward to, you will have the power to carry on. i'm so happy today. maybe after you know what happened, you may think that i'm an idiot, but that's totally fine with me. i had a good view today..and the fear, i finally thought it was redundent. i shouldnt have feared all along. maybe she's right, i should be more courageous.
i've decided to talk things out. on friday, i'll clear the air. this problem has to be solved. if not..my life will be miserable. wish me all the best on thursday. i ought to thank everyone who gave me the courage(:
and tml is my dad's birthday! woohoo~ happy birthday daddy!




such a beautiful diseaster, you are like a boat in troubled waters(:

Monday, August 07, 2006 { 6:18 AM }

haven't really blogged for the past month because of the hectic life that has come my way. and it's still coming. recently lots of things just happened, and i've got a lot to say. maybe life is still long and there's a lot of time, but i just want to clear the air. on thursday right after school, we went to bugis wanting to watch lake house(my dream). i checked the timing in the morning using my handphone, but it turned out that my handphone actually showed me the wrong day, so we couldn't watch it because movie stopped showing in bugis. we were at a loss all of a sudden, but soon we managed to recover from the shock. then si min suggested that we have our lunch first before deciding what to do next, so we went upstairs to the i-don't-know-what movie cafe thingy. then i found out that there is another of the lake house showing at suntec at 3, so we either eat our lunch, or watch the movie. it was a difficult decision, but we have to make it, so the few of us went for lake house, leaving yuqing, bi ran and si min only. i'm so sorry..it was a really hard decision as i have to consider other factors before coming out with such a decision. we managed to rush for the movie at 3. and the movie was fabulous. i could have just watched it again. when alex almost stepped out of the road, i was worried striken and burst into tears. ohh i hate to cry you know. ok..this is the end of this episode, but the next day, something else happened. actually i wasn't angry with anyone, but because of my changed table, i was so angry, as i felt it's a bit mean to not inform me and just change my table..ok. and i was a bit crazy then. and we all quarrelled. actually i only quarrelled with yuqing..and i felt so sorry and mean after that. but it's all over now...but there's something more. i'm confuse and dont know what to do..i'm terribly sorry. i dont wish for this to happen..really.